New blog site.

I relocated my blog to a different site now!! exciting huh?

http://thereveriesofmylife.blogspot.com/2010/01/look-into-my-world.html?zx=74a298c95582da45

Drowning in Safety

You feel so close as your skin rests against mine. My mind is wandering again, unable to stop. I feel so alone even when you are next to me. I don’t dare to move for fear this is merely an illusion. The understanding you have for who I am is scarce. What you know of my soul is nothing. I long for the feeling, that when I lie next to someone I  feel complete. They want to save me, save me from the lonely nights. I feel too reluctant to allow this to become. They move too fast, hoping to gain some sort of happiness from me. What I cannot give them is what they want. When I feel as if nothing is given to me in return, I hold my breath and plunge into my deep watery safety. All my ability to care is stripped as my feet hit the bottom of the blue. As I open my eyes my cares drift away. This is not where I drown in lonliness nor depression. This is where I escape from the expectations of them. The place I drown in sweet love, love for myself, love for my son &  love for the universe. This longing is only temporary, I will find what I deserve in time. As for now.. The water feels so warm.

Tauni Johnson

My Utopia

I wander into the mist as my body is entangled in bliss. My senses are filled with feelings of knowledge and strength. I fall to my knees, and the wind picks me up off of the ground. I fumble for the earth beneath me, but nothing is found. I search for an explanation for this phenomenon. The wind picks up once more and I am swept quickly through the mist towards a blinding light. This cannot be the end, am I dead? I finally break through the mist and I am astonished. Before my eyes is something I never could have imagined. A beauty beyond my own comprehension. Love flows through my veins for this place. Where am I and what brought me here? Once more a gush pushes me, but this time to the ground where I softly place my feet. Overwhelming feelings fill me, and I finally know I found where I belong. I close my eyes and let out a pleased sigh as a bird flies overhead.

Tauni Johnson

Pretty Little Deceit

You whisper your lies beneath your whiskers.
The things you eat, a mere echo of what hides beneath those looks.
Split seconds we have shared, yet you try to scurry in fast.
I cannot stand you, too many lessons have I learned.
You scratched me once, You scratched me Twice.
I think I have already had enough.

Tauni Johnson

Do Me No Harm

Do me no harm, I have become so numb to it.
It’s no wonder why I am this way.
Pain runs deep, my blood boils and rots my thoughts.
I can’t even look at any situation without this disease overwhelming my brain.
and the people I know and lost, only feed this jaded state.
Happiness shows up once in a while, only to get ambushed and carried into my dreams.
I can fake it, I can hide this devouring sickness.
Keep that forced smile shining.
I promise I will only ever bring you down.
I am the shit the flies swarm around.
You try to understand, I wont give you a starting point.
I want to show you my anger.
Can you lend an ear?
To listen to all my shit.
Can I staple up your mouth?
I would like to have a turn.
My dear, my words will make you recoil.
Run and hide cause I don’t want to hear your judgement.
I would rather you die than to listen to you act like you have a clue.
You cant fix me so dont fucking try.
And your god he hates my very exsistance.
so why shouldnt you?
I may be acting like I care about what you’re saying.
But I stopped caring when you did.
I choose to be so hidden behind these walls.
You only think of me as having an egotistical mind.
So run and hide.
I dont think you could understand me.
It may be too late for me, Save yourself.
I am already dead.
I don’t want pity it will make me want to puke.
You’re fucking lies I see right through.
Just me in my mind & the soul I keep alive.

The truth or lies. Do you not understand?

Taunra Johnson

Serenity

I breathe deeply and feel the warmth embrace my soul.
I feel so lost in this relaxed state.
Thoughts cross my mind slowly,
Whispering comfort in my ears.
The music playing soothes and calms the blood in my veins.
I am in sync with the universe once again,
This trapped stress melts and pours out of my skin.
Flowing like the mighty rivers into the sea,
I rid myself of this negative and unhealthy energy.
I allow it to escape,
Welcoming this beautiful state of bliss.
I breathe out and breathe in again.

Tauni Johnson

The Time Passed

You took all you could from me,
Leeching on and enveloping my very soul,
What I kept true was what I buried deep inside,
You hoped that I am the same person you created,
I can tell you now,
You never fucking knew me at all,
Those mind games and the thousands of tears I wasted,
You only sowed hate so you reaped nothing but what you gave me,
These feelings I have held in too long,
No one to utter them to.
You didn’t leave me in ruin,
I wouldn’t let it end that way,
So I can admit I hurt you back,
But if I was not the one to teach you that consequence of which you deserved on this account,
No one else would,
I found myself that summer after you went,
Even after all those crying calls and the suicide threats,
You thought you could get me back by doing so,
Only to blow up in your face.
You broke my spirit,
Just like a majestic mustang in the plains,
Beaten and bruised,
I came to an end,
A decision all my own,
Deal with what you  instilled in me,
Or leave you behind and become better and strong again.
What did you expect me to do?
You acted as if I was the bad one.
Time and time again,
Guilting me into pity,
You tell everyone your side of the story,
Do they believe that I am a bad person?
How could they know otherwise.
You were in the beginning the way you made me after this game,
Now I can see the stupidity on my part,
I was young and stupid,
And you were jaded and needed a rebound.
I just hope you realize,
This was never meant to work out.

Tauni Johnson